Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Discipline and Faithfulness

I've fallen off the wagon with my exercise reforms. I could blame it on my schedule, but I won't. I could blame it on a lot of things, but basically, I won't. I decided that I will take the blame for my lapse, so no reward for me. This month's reward that I'm forfeiting is using a 25 dollar off coupon at a favorite clothing store, to buy denim capri's in a smaller size. The good news is, I am still able to wear that size despite my 2 week long break from working out at the gym. Right now, I'm wearing a pair of white capri's that have been tight for 4 summers, and today, they are baggy.

I'm on an impossible sleep rhythm schedule, and I'm hoping that I can break it this week. When I go to work, I'm tired so I drink coffee. Which keeps me up after I go home around 11:30 or midnight. Which makes me sleep in past my alarm to get up and go to cardio class. And on and on it goes. I asked for additional time off this week, so I am going to try to re-work my routine. The plan is to drink coffee a few hours before work instead of when I get there. Let myself be tired on the way home and go to bed right away instead of blogging or reading or doing a little housework. And wake up when the alarm goes off and go to the work out session. No naps!

Self discipline has always been a struggle for me. As a kid, Mom threw me out of the house all the time to make me play and exercise. Taking a walk, riding my bike or going to the pool was never my first choice, but when I was 16, a friend invited me to go running with her. She held the school cross country record and she was going to train all summer to break it again. We ran every morning except Sundays. Mom never had to push me outside again. Ever.

In the fall, I joined volleyball and the first thing our coach did was make us run up and down stairs 15 times. I barely broke a sweat, during the run and afterwards I was standing tall while everyone else around me was clearly suffering. My coach told me "Silva, you're in the wrong sport". She was right. My volleyball coach was also the women's track coach in the spring and my PE coach ever since 7th grade; she always thought that I should have run long distance. I didn't want to compete as an individual, it intimidated me and so, I didn't go into cross country with my friend although I liked to run. Did I choose volleyball because I was a coward or because I liked it? Now that I'm middle-aged, I look back on it and realize that I wasted an opportunity to have a real kickass year. My friend, on the other hand, broke her own record.

Often, not just in sports, I stuck to what was safe and familiar instead of pushing myself to find out what I was capable of within that which was my real ability. I ran for exercise while in college, especially summers. If I was capable of self discipline then, I surely can now.

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