Sunday, August 05, 2007

Obesity Issues

I wore a pair of pants to church this morning that used to fit perfectly, but now are too big--almost too big to wear, but they stayed on. I bought them ten years ago, and they have been a favorite part of my wardrobe. Last week, I wore a favorite skirt that I had to pin the waistband of, because it was slipping off.

I have mixed feelings about this:

Elation because I have tangible proof that I am losing weight. I really can't tell, even when the numbers on the scale give me good news.

Grief because my weight had been as bad as it was.

Hope that it will continue on.

Concern now that I have to buy new clothes and that means spending money.

Surprise since I haven't been feeling deprived in changing my eating habits and exercise.

Thankful that God is helping me manage this, to Him be the glory.

So, I have to start saying good bye to some old clothes. I tend to wear the same things frequently, so I tend to be attached to them. It won't be easy, even though it's a good thing.

There is a tendency for many overweight women to focus on the other things concerning their appearance but not make healthy eating choices. Spend a lot of money on clothes, jewelry, hair, perfume, etc... I've never figured out why that is, but I suspect that it is a form of compensating, and an issue of shame. You feel that you have more control over those things than over what you weigh. The real deal is that weight is more about maintaining health (spiritual, emotional and physical) than beauty. When we see that, which is hard to do, it makes losing weight a less emotionally charged thing. Well, it works for me.

I tried behavior modification, rewarding myself with things to keep up the good habits. When I recieve gift cards, bonus incentives from work or coupons clipped from newspaper ads or magazines, I save them to use them at the right time instead of mindlessly whenever I feel like it. It helps sometimes. It's a better alternative than beating myself up over failure, and helps me to not take these steps to change for granted. It aligns me toward hope instead of despair.

I eat for health, not to comfort myself emotionally.

So, the spiritual side of it I'm still working on, that is, my relationship with God. To Him I need to bring my deepest worries that I have about having diabetes. To Him I must turn to in repentence. In Him I trust that He would give me strength to obey, even when it is hard. From Him is my source of comfort, that He is with me always.

No comments: