Thursday, September 04, 2008

I am swimming again. Today was my second work out and yesterday my first since my foot infection a month and a half ago.

During my first work out, I think I did about eight or nine laps. Today, I swam 15. I am not as fast and have to catch my breath a lot at the beginning. But by lap 10, I got my second wind. Pushing myself at the beginning paid off as I improved within a half hour. Lap 10 was the backstroke, my favorite. I like to see the wake that my kick produces as I progress down the lane. And I don't have to work on breathing rhythm because my face is above water. For the first time in weeks, I felt like a strong woman again. Even though, in reality, this is an illusion.

I saw another doctor this morning. He told me that I was going to have kidney failure someday, and that hopefully would be far into the future, as he attempts to preserve its function as much as possible. He was a new doctor, and was amazed at my file, which showed drastic improvements in weight loss, glucose control, blood pressure and HDL. But some of the drugs I've been taking can be bad for my kidneys. And he's worried about lactic acidosis.

So, I went to the gym and swam, wondering how much longer I have before I can't do it anymore. I wonder if my desire to be an old lady in the pool, swimming laps forever, will be fulfilled. I don't know. All I have is now. And if that's all I have, I will enjoy it to the fullest. I've been praying, however, for healing, that I would be able to continue to serve God without distraction. My prayers seem to be answered whenever I take my blood pressure, check my glucose and look at a near perfect right foot, with new skin coming in and old dry skin reduced by 85%. And now, I need some good kidneys.

I went to the barn party for welcoming international students and found myself sitting next to a woman in our church I've long admired for her servanthood and love for people, she's served as deaconess for a long time. We chatted, and I found out that her Alzheimer's has progressed to a point where she is now on disability and had to quit her job. She said the hardest part is knowing that she's losing her memory and being able to function, she has known that this was happening for the last eight years. When she is having a good day, she lives it up as much as possible, being in the moment, appreciating what she has right now. And after our chat, she seemed energized, getting involved with the internationals, playing with the kids (there were a lot of families this year) and helping out. She still is joyful, serving and loving God, because she is confident in God's love for her. Just by being herself, she encouraged me immensely to not sit around feeling sorry for myself. Not to live in fear, but keep on trusting God.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 NASB

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