Sunday, June 07, 2009

Thealogy

When I was young, I daydreamed constantly. I seemed lost in thought, but my inner life was less about thinking and more about imagination. I was less apt to solve a problem and more likely to fantasize about slaying dragons. Or taming them (my ideal pet). In high school, I was always tapping into that creative side for a story. In college, my creative side got squeezed out of existence gradually. It was too distracting and I needed to graduate. Now, I don't know how to even begin to tell a story. I've been hoping that blogging would tease that aptitude out of me somehow, but I am afraid that it isn't working.

Yet before it all disappeared, a college friend assumed that I was some kind of thinker--always in meditation. He assumed that I was thinking big important theological thoughts, but actually I was in my own little world as Queen Thea, Empress of the Far Side of Some Galaxy. When life seemed scary and out of control, there was a place mentally I could go to where it all made sense. So when my friend re-named me "Thea-logical" I could not protest against that, because it was ironically true. My inner life was definately about Thea, even though my friend's play on words meant to indicate I thought much about God, as theology is about the study of God. Instead of laughing along, I felt guilty as charged. The friend was too busy congratulating himself on his cleverness instead of seeing my discomfort with an uncomfortable truth.

Life is still scary and out of control. But instead of running to Thea land, I've learned that theology is actually my best friend. There is still a place for an active imagination, but it goes nowhere if all it contributes is an escape from reality. My pastor has a blog post that explains very well how we all are theologians. My question is if I am a very good one.

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