Saturday, September 26, 2015

Life in the Middle Kingdom

I did not expect a fantasy world when I hit my mid-life years, not too long ago, but I did anticipate a different one.  All the things that were effortless in my youth, requiring no thought or discipline are now work.  This includes rolling out of bed. When I was young, I just got out of bed. These days, I have a method of swinging my legs out first and let gravity help me up.  When I was young, I just slept.  I don't just sleep anymore.  I have a routine, and phases throughout my evening to prepare me for sleep.  Every darn thing I used to take for granted now takes planning.

I was lucky as a twenty or thirty something, but I wasted a lot of time analyzing things I thought were obstacles to my happiness.  It took a few decades to realize that those weren't problems.  Despite it all, I did not think about taking care of my health as much as I should have.  Nowadays, all I think about is taking care of myself and Hubby.  As we creep up on our senior citizen years, I realize now that there are real problems.  Starting with health, finances, energy and having something meaningful to do.  Some things we can control, but others we won't be able to. We are slowly transitioning into another entirely different realm.  I am hoping that it is Hobbiton, not Mordor.

God speaks about old age in Scripture.  I've seen the verses, but have not taken the time to really think about them and see how they apply to my current stage of life.  I think that it is time now.

But it isn't time to hang back . I don't know what is in the future yet God has brought me through a lot already.  I know He'll help me continue on.  It's been awhile since I've been truly afraid, except when I think about how fast time has passed.  I guess that is why I mostly dwell in the present in my thoughts instead of the past or the future.  It's not that I am shallow, because I think about a lot of things in depth, but only about things in the immediate time to come or things just a few days ago.  It's a lot safer.  But that kind of thinking won't help me now.

And it isn't a time to think I know it all.  I know a lot, but there is more to learn. I am still curious, I still have questions, and I still read a lot.  Just today, I learned how to boil an egg perfectly.  I've been doing it wrong for years.

It is also a good time to reflect more about the next life rather than this one.  On this subject, I have more questions than answers.  But Scripture is clear about what I really need to know.  I am free in Christ because He redeemed and purchased me, and because of Him paying my debt for my sin out of the generosity of the Father's heart, I have confidence about eternal life with Him.  And I look forward to that future, which is certain because of His love and mercy.  I am redeemed, and that is what will get me through the rest of time I have in this world.

It won't be easy, and I'm sure that there will be suffering. I need the Gospel, it will be the only comfort available.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Hubert Laws - Scheherazade

I'm listening to Hubert Laws.  I discovered him, a wonderful jazz flutist, in the 1970's.  Back when I barely knew what jazz was, but was falling in love with it rather quickly.  I still have the album somewhere in the basement.  Some time ago, I acquired the CD after years of searching. Scheherazade my favorite track.  Its on my IPod now.

It was a fluke to find the album, I was just perusing albums at The Wherehouse while with my family in Seattle when I was still in high school.  Most kids my age were into disco, pop or metal.  Maybe it was the excitement of hearing a flute being played in something other than a concert band piece, but I put down my hard earned money from flipping burgers on weekends at A&W drive-in.  Fifteen whole dollars and some cents.  That was five hours of greasy spoon labor.  But years worth of musical formation and enjoyment.

And, I managed to save money for a car and college, too.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Hello Again

I've decided to blog again. 

I run across an article or read a book or talk with a friend, and think that maybe I have more to say or to explore than just a Facebook post.  Which takes five seconds, max.  I can do thousands of those in a month.  It's nice seeing quick feedback through likes or comments.  And so different than a lengthy blog that could take some time and work but never get much attention at all. 

But I'm thinking that obscurity might be a good thing.  And writing just for the pleasure of writing is also a good thing, if you can call blogging actually writing.  And Facebook, despite the sheer convenience of it, is failing to satisfy.  I don't know what I'm really looking for there.

For me, blogging is a way to process my thoughts in a different way than journaling.  My personal journals (real journals, with ink pen and paper)  hold a lot more of the feelings, but this blog is more about my mind. The journals hold a lot more meaning to me than this blog.  I re-read some of the old entries on this blog, and find that I no longer care so much about them.  Perhaps because they seem trivial compared to what I'm currently thinking about. Or I've overworked those thoughts that now I find them boring. But the journals I treasure. 

This time around, I would like to spend more time going in depth about things I'm learning about the Gospel and about ministry.  I will probably be theological, even.  I don't think I really had much depth in this blog for all the years I've posted entries here.  Which is why my journals, which are based on my devotional times and bible study and prayers, are much more meaningful to me. 

So long, superficiality.  We are getting real here.